18 Hours Shoot!!

I have a story for you... About Him.. 

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He loves me, does He? Or maybe He forgotten me. 

I turn to my sis and say "He has forgotten me"

Sis:  Don't say that. He loves you that's why He test you 

*rolling her eyes*

Me: Do I need to be tested before I get what I desire?

Sis: Yess, off course!

I keep my eye on my watch. The last time I ate was 12 hours before. The clock is ticking but time has seem not moving at all. I try to focus on other thing. Watching TV, shopping, playing games, just name it. I did everything to keep me going but I feel weak. I feel like a zombie. Half dead, half alive. I can't move on. I try to get in touch with Him but to no avail. It gets disconnected. I never feel this way before. I keep on praying and keep on crying. 

Sunset makes me giddy, like there's a butterflies on my stomach. I feel alive for a second time. I feel stronger than ever. I heard the most beautiful Azan ever as the Imam from the Central Mosque of London call to pray. Yess!! That's it! I long waited for this Azan and long waited to break my fasting. 

Goshhhhhhh!!!I have prayed, begged and asked from God to give me strength. A happier life with loads of food. Is it too much to ask for?  By the end of the day, with every patience I take, He grant me with what I desired. I'm longing for foooooddddd... 18 hours of fasting is really crazy challenging. 

Anyhow to lose hope is to lose faith in God. Have patience for God will grant you with what you want. What you desire. Even you're desiring for foods... I survived! *chin up* 

This is the whole new experience for me. Fasting for 18 hours a day in London.  Two more weeks to go. Wish me luck.

 * All muslims around the world are fasting during this holy Ramadhan month during the daylight hours from dawn to sunset. When Ramadhan fell in the summer, fasting often tough. 

My Pillow Talk

If you peek at my tiny library, you'll find shopaholic books and fashion magazines. But my book beside my bed is my REAL book, book with Doa. I've been grow up sleeping beside either Quran or Yassin. Just to avoid the ghost to disturb me.

I'm all grown up . I realize that the meaning of each Verses had give me the confident to get through the night and the day.Knowing there is something to hold onto when you wake up from nightmare is somehow comforting.

When life can't make sense anymore and despite of the sympathy I get from others, there's always an emptiness. And all I want is someone to hold on to and tell me is all right. 

And then when I question why did this have to happen to me or why did I do to deserve this? 

When I couldn't find the answer from my family and friends, I turn to God to have one to one Pillow talk. 

Even though I never hear God speak it out, and I will feel disappointment in the beginning, soon I will become calmer cause I am heard. 

I have no one but God. We have to realize this is what nature is all about.

Need a Pillow talk anyone? :)

We did five times a day.

It’s compulsory for muslim to pray five times a day. It is a good therapy where we would find peace and clear our mind to focus on nothing else than Allah.

We must khusyu’ (focus) on doing it.

OK. I CAN do this. I CAN focus. Easy-peasy

Simply a matter of letting my higher self take-over for less than ten minutes. Becoming radiant and achieving enlightenment.

No problem. I’m doing this everyday for more than 10 years.

Surreptitiously I adjust myself on the prayer mat, facing the kiblat, and lift up my hand . Reciting a few surah.

I turn my head to the person beside me. She’s on the Mecca image praying mat sitting crossed leg with her right legs on top of her thigh with eyes closed.

Suddenly, Owh.. that boy in my class.. Sitting few raw in front of me. He turn his head and smile. I think he’s cute.

“Clear your mind, Aishah, clear your mind”

“Allahhuakbar” says the Iman.

Obediently, I place my right hand on top of my left.

OK. Clear mind. Focus..

Clear image of Vogue magazine cross my mind. I love their new limited edition make-up palette from M.A.C. Brown eyeshades!! That color suits with any dress. God, Yes! I could even buy the new foundation and that shimmery eye-liner.

“Allahhuakbar” he is saying

Right, Breath in.. breath out… Inhale. Exhale..

God, why do they abundant their babies? People had lost their sense of humanity, do they? Where’s the love people? Where’s the love?

“Allahhuakbar” he is saying

Why on earth the price of petrol increase? Does the government take any action towards it?

During the Sujud

Opps! I left my hand phone at home. Yasmin should text me by now and Cent must have reply my previous comment on her Facebook status. They are hilarious! (smiling)

The imam reciting the Syahadah

Can’t wait to meet them back in Kl.

“Asssalamualikumwarrahmatullah” turn my head to the right

I want to eat the fried banana right after this

“Assalamualaikumwarrahmatullah” turn my head to the left

And yes! My mom’s chicken rice is tasty. Can’t wait!!!!!

~End of Solat~

Speak to myself ”Oh my God! Why focusing on Solat is hard to achieve???? I committed loads of sin didn’t I? I should repent more”

Psssttt.. Any tips to share??